


Uncle Dragon Says

by StormyFireDragon



Series: Uncle Dragon Says Quotes [1]
Category: Uncle Dragon Says
Genre: Creativity, Entertainment, Funny, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyFireDragon/pseuds/StormyFireDragon
Summary: This is a collection of quotes that I wrote.  They are designed to make you laugh, confuse you, or make you go hmmm!  Always remember:. If it makes sense, you are in the wrong place.





	1. SET 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THESE ARE THE VERY FIRST QUOTES I WROTE IN THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF STARTING THE GROUP. THIS IS SET 1 OF 20 FROM BOOK ONE OF UNCLE DRAGON SAYS: THE QUOTES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOK: 1 ----- SET: 1 ----- QUOTES: 01 - 25

> **SET - 1**
> 
> **QUOTES - 01 TO 25**

 

01\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The person who plays with fire usually has to do the dishes.

02\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The person who irritates the one with the knife tends to get slapped!

03\.  Uncle Dragon Says: A man who farts silently at a urinal with other men around is a nasty ass individual!

04\.  Uncle Dragon Says: When it rains, it pours. If you are standing outside when this happens, you get plenty wet.

05\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If you fart silently and the blame gets placed elsewhere, then you are a master at germ warfare!

06\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The man who leaves the toilet seat up tends to go deaf from the one screaming at him who fell in.

07\.  Uncle Dragon Says: He who walks around with their nose in the air tends to get bird shit in their eye!

08\.  Uncle Dragon Says: He who thinks their shit doesn't stink must never have gone to the bathroom.

09\.  Uncle Dragon Says: Men who wear their pants below their ass crack is really cheeky.

10\.  Uncle Dragon Says: When you figure it out, you will be the first to know.

11\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The cow says moo.

12\.  Uncles Dragon Says: If her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, then she should get out of the yard.

       The old people get upset if you are on their lawn.

13\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The horse says moo.

14\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If the plot thickens, make more room.

15\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The pig says moo.

16\.  Uncle Dragon Says: She who has the biggest purse can cause the most damage. 

17\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The chicken says moo.

18\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If it's raining cats and dogs, you should probably blow up your neighbor's house as he is probably to blame.

       He is a jerk that way. Meanwhile the old lady across the street is laughing her ass off as she pays the helicopter to make

       another run.  She thinks he is a jerk also.

19\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The dog says moo.

20\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If you are squeezing your butt cheeks really tight and you let it loose, you probably just shit your pants and

       you should head to the bathroom to change.

21\.  Uncles Dragon Says: If your wife tells you to do something, RUN! FIRE! PERVERT! Throw yourself on the floor and pretend to be a dog. 

        If you are locked up due to being crazy, you won't have to do what she said.

22\.  Uncle Dragon Says: The cat says fuck you! That is all.

       _Uncle Dragon Says: Cats have attitudes like that you know._

23\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If you fall over, we will laugh at you.

24\.  Uncle Dragon Says: Never trust flatulence. It sometimes leaves you with a shitty situation.

25\.  Uncle Dragon Says: If Mars is in Uranus, then you have a serious problem that we can't help you with.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THESE AS MUCH AS I DID CREATING THEM. I ALSO HOPE YOU GOT A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF THEM.


	2. SET 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BOOK: 1 ----- SET: 2 ----- QUOTES: 26 - 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SET 2 OUT OF 20 FOR BOOK 1. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET YOUR CREATIVE JUICES FLOWING. YOUR QUOTES DON'T HAVE TO BE WORD PERFECT OR GRAMMAR CORRECT. THEY JUST HAVE TO BE YOU!

**Set 2**

**Quotes 26 - 50**

 

26.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you're psychic and you know it; E-I-E-I-O!  Sorry, the song changed in my head.

27.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you have Jupiter in Uranus... Well, we just won't go there!

28.  Uncle Dragon Says:  She who raises her voice knows how to clear a room.

29.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The hamster says moo.

30.  Uncle Dragon Says:  We must have a fabulous cow. 

       _Uncle Dragon Says: Either that, or we have retarded farm animals!_

31.  Uncle Dragon Says:  He who has a red face must learn to stop standing on their head for a long period of time.

32.  Uncle Dragon Says:  He who is brave enough to eat fortune cookie is very hungry indeed.

33.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Man who is constipated should not be singing an Ottis Redding Song.

34.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Man who wears their pants halfway down should just go ahead and remove them as they are useless anyway.

35.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you fart and your nipples fall off, you better chase them down.

36.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you fart in the wind, you should always remember what direction you are facing first.

37.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If it's the cat's meow, then you probably shouldn't try and take it away as they get mean.

38.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you see someone racing towards the bathroom, you should probably stick your foot out and trip them. 

       Not only will they have an accident, but you will have more than one reason to laugh at them.

39.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If it's your birthday and you know it, then it means you are knowledgeable about yourself.

40.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The roadkill says moo.

41.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are prone to shock, you shouldn't stick your finger in the electric socket or piss on an electric fence.

42.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are up shit creek without a paddle, then you should have remembered to bring clothes pins for your nose.

43.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are asked to pinch someone because they think they are dreaming, make yourself laugh by throwing

       cold water on them instead.

44.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are going to climb or descend stairs, make sure there isn't a cat around.

45.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you impersonate Milli Vanilli, then you are more real than they were.

46.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If she caught you on the sofa, caught you on the counter, and even caught you when you had her in

       the shower, STOP giving it away and start charging admittance.

47.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Make sure when you leave your home you are not a hair hopper.  If you are a hair hopper, then Pia Zadora will

       come and iron your hair.

48.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If the little teapot is short and stout, then it should go on a diet.

49.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are a few bricks short of a house, then you should probably get a different hobby.

50.  Uncle Dragon Says:  He who can't remember the words should just write them down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THESE AS MUCH AS I DID CREATING THEM. I ALSO HOPE THAT YOU GOT A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF THEM.


	3. Set 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SET 3 OUT OF 20. I HOPE THAT YOU STAY INTERESTED, BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO GET MORE WILD AND CRAZY AS SOME OF MY SITE MEMBERS START TO PLAY WITH THE QUOTES. HAPPY READING. THE QUOTES DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT OR GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT. THEY JUST HAVE TO BE YOU. THIS CHAPTER WILL FEATURE A COMMENT FROM UNCLE COMEDY SUPERHERO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOK: 1 ----- SET: 3 ----- QUOTES: 51 - 75

**Set 3**

**Quotes 51 - 75**

 

51.  Uncle Dragon Says: Those who think they know what is best for others tends to get parts of their face painted in non-complimentary

       colors using magic markers and toddlers who likes to paint.

52.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are not the brightest crayon in the box, then just add glitter and pretend to be a fairy! 

       _Uncle Comedy Superhero Says:  Or you could pretend to be a vampire wait those aren't supposed to sparkle._

53.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then why do we need lumberjacks?

54.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Why is Silly Sally Selling Sea Shells by the Seashore when we could just get free ones of our own from the shore?

55.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you like to mumble when you talk to people, you should just move to Timbuktu as we are going to send you

       there anyway.  The residents of that place understand mumblenese.

56.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you enjoy a good pantomime, remember one important thing.  A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

57.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If the mime talks, run. That means they are on their way to the store. We can't let them eat for real.

58.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When a dwarf is unhappy, asking him which one he is instead usually starts a fight.

59.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If the world looks bleak, close your eyes and walk into a wall as hard as you can. It will change your

       perspective while giving us a good laugh!

60.  Uncle Dragon Says: When you repeat yourself to people, it might be a good idea to carry Q-tips in your pocket.  If that fails, use a 2x4.

61.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When you are ready, willing, and able, then you will be late.

62.  Uncle Dragon Says:  While the world turns, the dumb people still get dizzy and fall over.

63.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The chicken crossed the road to say moo to the fabulous cow.

64.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are looking on the brighter side of things, you should probably wear sunglasses.

65.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Those who think their shit don't stink should never go near the one with their hand on the flushing mechanism!

66.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When in Rome, who cares what the hell they are doing.

67.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you eat lots of green vegetables, please keep your smelly ass on the other side of the room.

68.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The one who enjoys their husks of corn must also be amused by their nibblet studded turds.

69.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you've been around the block a few times, you are either a stalker, or a very tired individual!

70.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Something to ponder! If a person uses a sentence using a lot of words starting with the letter p, does that mean they

       have a urine fetish, or do they need you to kick them in the stomach to help shit out the thesaurus they ate?

71.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If she is living with seven short men and one of them is called Grumpy, she should put out more or stop putting itching

       powder in his underwear.

72.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If your name is Dopey, you should probably refrain from drinking the pool water!

73.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If visiting hours are 9 to 5 and you show up at 10 past 6, does that mean you brought cake?

74.  Uncle Dragon Says:  It's extremely rude to ask a fat person to stop backing up when you hear an unexplained beeping noise.

       It's just the voices in your head sending Morse-Code signals asking for help to get out.

75.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you have your cake and eat it too, then you should probably wake up. Your spouse doesn't appreciate you chewing

       on his or her arm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THESE AS MUCH AS I DID CREATING THEM. I ALSO HOPE YOU GOT A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF THEM.


	4. SET 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BOOK: 1 ----- SET: 4 ----- QUOTES: 76 - 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SET 4 OUT OF 20. TODAY IS THE 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF WHEN I STARTED ALL OF THIS. I WORK HARD TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY AND THIS IS RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. HAPPY READING. THIS SET FEATURES COMMENTS FROM MOTHER WOLF, AUNTIE BLISS, AND UNCLE GRYPHON.

**Set 4**

**Quotes 76 - 100**

 

76.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If she has clouds in her coffee, then the woman just needs to stop doing all of those drugs.

 

77.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When you are going through the patio door, make sure that you clean the glass after you

       walk into it.  Also carry a pair of scissors in case you get your hair caught.

       _Uncle Gryphon: Very bizarre._

_Mother Wolf: I have an owl at eye level._

 

78.  Uncle Dragon Says: If you build it they will come. Then they will move in. Next comes the spouse.

       Then comes the children.  This is your fault as you shouldn't have built it in the first place.

 

79.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Don't sit there and strain yourself.  It's just a blocked fart!

 

80.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If your castle defenses are out of cannon balls, we have plenty of mimes and peasants

       you can use.

      _Uncle Dragon: We hear they make a great splat noise on the other castle walls._

 

81.  Uncle Dragon Says: He said if you're in love with a beautiful woman, you watch hers eyes.  If this is the

      case, then how does he know that she's beautiful if he only looks at her eyes?   Disturbed minds want to know!

 

82.  Uncle Dragon Says: Something to ponder. If that's the night that the lights went out in Georgia, and

       that's the night they hung an innocent man, how did the lights go out? Did they use the power cables to

       hang him? Or did they throw his body at the conductor until it broke? Limp Noodle Minds want to know!

 

83.  Uncle Dragon Says: To all the people that still believes that the little man with a light in the refrigerator is

       still there, WRONG!  He's buried in the back yard in between Santa and the Easter Bunny.  Auntie Bliss killed him

       last week.  I think she mentioned going after the Tooth Fairy next.

 

84.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you have a demon and you know it, clap your hands.  Did you do it? 

       Then that means you're still a retard!

 

85.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you think you are crazy, you should take your feet out of the fruit bowl. 

       A banana and cherries won't help prove your case.

 

86.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If it's a long and winding road, then go watch a movie.

 

87.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If the lights are bright downtown, we should go camping instead.

       We get less sunburn that way.

 

88.  Uncle Dragon Says: If you feel a bubble when you fart, don't worry. It's just an alien escaping from Uranus!

 

89.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If blond boys are dumb too, then our over-take of the planet Mars will be easier.  

       We just tell the blond boys that it's Venus and the Martians are holding prisoners.

 

90.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If the wheels of the bus goes round and round, why did the chicken cross the road?

       Uncle Dragon: Well Duh!  I told you earlier.   It went to say moo at the fabulous cow.

 

91.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are on a roll, you probably farted too hard and fell down a flight of stairs.  

       Don't worry though.   Once we finish laughing we will help you up.

 

92.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Mary had a little lamb.  It said moo so we ate it.

 

93.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The cat still says fuck you.  That is still all as the cat still has attitude.

 

94.  Uncle Dragon Says:  You should never call a spade a spade when it’s a club or a full house.  OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!

 

95.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are dealing with lots of butt stuff, then you should have wiped more or better.

 

96.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are seeing everything your eyes are looking at, you should probably brush your teeth.

 

97.  Uncle Dragon Sings:  Signs, Signs!  Everywhere is signs!  OOPS I meant to tell you about the one you just

      hit your head on. Seriously. Don't believe me? Well here is your sign.

 

98.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If karma karma karma chameleons were red, gold, and green, Boy George must

      have had a festive Christmas Tree using multi colored lizards that bite you three times when you pass by.

      _Uncle Gryphon: I like this one._

_Uncle Gryphon: I’ll stay away from that tree._

_Uncle Dragon:  No you won’t.  It’s a fabulous way to meet Boy George!_

_Auntie Bliss: Love Boy George!_

 

99.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When the doorbell rings, stop what you are doing and choke a smurf!

 

100.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If there are islands in the stream and that is what we are, then we must all be beavers

         as streams aren't big enough for islands Dum Dum! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THESE AS MUCH AS I DID CREATING THEM. IT IS ALSO MY HOPE THAT YOU GOT A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF THEM.


	5. SET 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BOOK: 1 ----- SET: 5 ----- QUOTES: 101 - 125

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SET 5 OUT OF 20. THERE WERE THOSE TIMES WHEN I WOULD WAKE UP OUT OF WHAT LITTLE BIT OF SLEEP I GET AND WRITE DOWN A HANDFUL OR MORE OF QUOTES. YOUR QUOTES DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT OR GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT. THEY JUST HAVE TO BE A PART OF YOU. THIS SET WILL FEATURE COMMENTS FROM MOTHER WOLF AND LADY ALPHABET SOUP. I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

**Set 5**

**Quotes 101 – 125**

 

 

101.  Uncle Dragon Says:  While we're just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, 4 dozen

         blonde girls just passed out from trying to keep pace.

         _Mother Wolf:  Was their hair twisted?_

_Uncle Dragon: Yes! It took me four days to figure out who was who. I even found a mime in there taking pictures._

_I had to shoot him. I found him eating real food._

 

102.  Uncle Dragon Asks:  While Scratching His Chin in Confusion:  How on earth did a female vampire and a male Frankenstein

         produce a werewolf baby?  Also, how is it that she got pregnant in the first place?  Lastly, how did a non-monster blonde

         girl become a niece?  Forgotten minds want to know.

 

103.  Uncle Dragon Ponders:  The Wheel in the Sky keeps on turning. Who put it there?

         _Mother Wolf: So that’s where it is!_

_Uncle Dragon: Congratulates Mother Wolf on finding her missing wheel.  It's been up there for weeks._

 

104.  Uncle Dragon Says:  She who knocks on the pipes three times usually gets a headache when they fall and hit her in the head.

 

105.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When he or she is too perky, close them in a deep freezer and padlock the door.

 

106.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If he or she isn't perky enough, lock them in a deep freezer with the perky one until he or she feels better.

         Then feed the perky one to the mimes.  I would imagine they are hungry by now. 

         _Mother Wolf: The mimes are full!_

_Uncle Dragon: We should have emptied them years ago. Now they are fat and useless._

 

107.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are sitting on the toilet singing farting songs, then it's time to get a life.

          _Lady Alphabet Soup: But I am not ready for a real life! LMAO!_

 

108.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are going to belch and fart at the same time remember to close the wormhole you

        create in the process.  Then go shoot a mime.

 

109.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When the wormholes appear it means that seven dwarfs, three midgets, and forty-two mimes

        died in a basketball game.

 

110.  Uncle Dragon Asks:  If you always go with the flow, does that mean you drown if you go into the deep water?

 

111.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you stop, drop, and roll, you end up with very dirty clothes.

 

112.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you feel like giving up, you should change your mind and choke a monkey.

 

113.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When wrench or screwdriver can't fix, use a hammer.  It will fix most things into tiny pieces.

 

114.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you are having transportation troubles, you could always fly in on the back of that choked monkey.

 

115.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you don't have anything nice to say about a person, then screw it and say it anyway.

 

116.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The word of the day is Twinsday. What is that? Well it's simple really. It's the difference

         between Tuesday and Wednesday.

 

117.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If there are flies in the buttermilk, then we should draw and quarter Jimmy Cracked Corn

        as he was to blame in the first place. I'm sure that Mother Wolf knows places in the desert to hide the parts.

 

118.  Uncle Dragon Says:  The word of the day is Santurday.  What is that you ask?  Why it's a term to describe the

        day where everyone picks up sand and throws it at each other.

 

119.  Uncle Dragon Says:  When the clock ticks, we will know.  There was that hint I told you about with the hammer.

        The clock never looked better.

 

120.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Action news at midnight... The sheep said moo.  We had to shoot the cow, sheep, pig, chicken, and

         all other animals that learned from the fabulous cow. Right now we are having a sale on beef, mime meat, and peasants.

         We still have too many peasants.

 

121.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you dig it, they will fall in.  Blondes are really stupid like that.

 

122.  Uncle Dragon Says:  If you ringed around the Rosie, and have a pocket full of posies, then it's your own fault that you are sneezing.

         You should have taken your allergy medicine before playing in the flowers. You should have just went to the ashes,

         ashes we all fall down part.

 

123.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Tall men should never piss off a dwarf.  They tend to lose their manhood.

 

124.  Uncle Dragon Says:  Boogers can be green.  That is all.

 

125.  Uncle Dragon Says: While the dog is getting attention, the cat still says fuck you as it plots the demise of the canine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED READING THESE AS MUCH AS I DID CREATING THEM. I ALSO HOPE THAT YOU GOT A FEW LAUGHS OUT OF THEM.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed creating them. I certainly hope you got a few laughs out of it.


End file.
